Foxy's Blog

Wow looking back on my last two blogs it suddenly occurs to me how messed up I've been lately. And I'm trying to think of the last time I didn't feel like that, hmm pretty scary. Definately going back to last year time.

So whats the go?

Well straight up it has to be seperation from God. My Christian walk has been somewhat of a rollercoaster ride, extreme ups and extreme downs. So when its down... it results in the previous two blogs.

I think partly I'm working out who I am in Christ. Who am I as a person, as a friend, as a bible college student, as someone who is normal trapped in a disabled persons body. Someone who is Spirit filled yet level headed, someone who is not Charo enough for Pentecostals, and too Charo to be conservative.
Someone whos content in their singleness, yet dreams of future relationships. Someone who is friends with everyone yet am so alone. Someone who realistically wont get married, but yet doesn't know how to kill love.
Someone who is okay at most things, but not brilliant at anything to make a career out of it.

Thats part of the journey, we'll see how we go. Cheers to postive blogging in the future!

Hmmm reading back on the last blog and it was kinda full on. Well things are certainly a little brighter than when I last blogged.

College has started and its been so nice to get back in the rutine. Its been gold, particularly the intensive on Revelation, very very interesting. Strangly college (known as Bridal College) is a refreshing escape from the increasing epidemic that is 'coupling up'. Maybe its a matter of time, but the guys and gals from college seem to be able to be in a relationship and still enjoy other peoples company, or quite happy to be normal and not in a relationship, which my church is struggling with at the moment... Strange I would of had it around the other way.

Feels like that while everyone was single and wanted something to do I provided the ring around, and I put my hand up to have shindigs at my house, and now people have coupled up and its exclusive couple things. Not just a couple having a night on their own (which is by no means unreasonable) but 2 or 3 couples exclusivly hanging out together in all their couple goodness.

Jealous perhaps? Meh maybe, I'm not keen to hook up with someone, I'm just more miffed my friends have become everything they said they wouldn't.
Heck if all my friends are coupled up, maybe I should be looking harder, cause at least when I find the right girl...I'll have someone to hang with! (Sarcasim Factor =10)

Man I've gotta make blogging more fun and joyful... It'll get there, promise.

Well it could be the tiredness talking, but I feel completely substandard. As a leader, as a Christian, in almost every area in my life I feel like I'm no where near where I should be.

Where's that? Anywhere but here would be nice. I'm so frustrated!

I've been questioning heaps my Christianity. Not from a 'walk away' or 'backsliding' point of view... well maybe thats what they call it? Anyway, I've been questioning the very cheese and religion and lack of heart that seems to go along with every political and fabricated smile that seems to be Christianity at the moment.

People seem to be settling for less, and that to me is not good enough... And it's a journey that is not popular, and will not be preached from the pulpit.

I feel like if we do just enough, we'll get through to Heaven. But we don't have to care, we don't have to sweat, we don't have to be challenged!! We just rock up on a Sunday, present a smile and we're 'okay'. 'Your point of view is nice, but I'll stick to my way, its more comfortable there'
We seriously wonder why people move away from the church? I love my friends at Hillsong, and what they're doing. But they forget to mention they have the biggest drop out rate of all churches... Boy that's something to be proud of!!
Mind you its probably better than having the same people in the same church for their whole lives and not actually feeling anything.
Do you think the church is missing something here? I only mention Hills because they are seen as the benchmark.

But what am I saying?! I don't know. I don't have a solution. But I feel like I can't be real in my faith. I can't love God without a bad day... or two. I feel like I'm so busy looking after everyone else that I forget about me, and then I feel guilty about that... I mentioned me!!! How dare I!

I wonder whats the point. And I'm sick of being substandard. A hypocritical joke! This is not good, I'm feeling like this at the START of the year, after having a "break" from things. (Yeah heaps nice break). Its not good. How am I gonna be in a months time? When I'm burned out and even more bitter? (Can I get more bitter)? I've turned into every wheelchair steriotype I've ever hated. Bitter... Maybe thats inevitable.

Oh well I last a couple of years... Yep I'm sure its the tiredness.

Well it has been 3 months almost to the day since I last blogged.

Any audience I did have will certainly have lost interest... Which means I can now treat this as more of an online diary, where I can actually say what I think/feel without sugar coating it.
Ok here goes...

Yep...

Any minute now...

Feel the wrath...

I feel like just going away for awhile. Getting in a car, not caring on where I'm going and just take off. That would be cool. "Why would I want to do that" my logical side replies. But it would be nice to be able to hit the "pause" button, step out of my body and have a holiday... From me, let alone my life.
Hmm interesting start.

Wow its been a month since last blog. How very slack I've been!

Well let's see if I can sum up September in a blog shaped nut shell -

I had my birthday! I'm now the mature and responsible age of 22. Super number that. Had a traditional family feast of Chinese food. Mmm food. Got some clothes and books and heaps of nice goodies from friends.

There's been lots of hanging out with friends. Lots of Risk and Cards. Lots of me not winning!! Lots of me seeking revenge!!

Lucy took an unexpected trip to hospital with a pretty bad camping accident. She's had some pretty bad burns to her legs. But hopefully will be out of hospital soon. She's been amazing! Just the way she's gotten through this has been awesome and a real tribute to the big dude up stairs.

Its been an up and down month for me spiritually, personally and physically. Lots of questions being asked of myself, my faith and where I feel God has called/calling me. Been a tough month to say the least, but hopefully at the end of what promises to be another tough month, things will look up.
Even despite it being tough, God's been faithful through it all.

Anyway got to go and have dinner. Ciao for now

Saw this mad thing on the MTV music awards. The one classy thing I saw.
Anyway there was a chick who had her arm bitten off by a shark! She's like 15. And she's a surfer. Anyway within a month she's back out there with one arm surfing. Unbelievable! Her arm was like taken from the shoulder too.
Anyway she got an award for most couragous or something and when she got up to speak she said something along the lines, 'with courage you can do anything. Well I draw my courage from Jesus Christ, thank you'. It was so humble and just awesome infront of so many of the trendy people on tv. She was the best testimony. So full of joy despite losing her arm and stuff. It was awesome. Praise God!!!

How cool is God?!

Preached today in Chapel and it was so much fun! God gave me such a peace and confidence whilst speaking. Totally felt at ease. 5 mins before speaking I was packing it. Got the traditional extreme nerves.
But it was awesome, and hopefully timely to the guys at College, and I total believe God did His thang there today.

Bit of relief on my part. Can take it out of you mentally/spirtually/physically.

Only got the trivia night to go on Friday, then things should be a little normal for a little while. Will be a nice change. :)